By Uncle Bhai Gora

Areh Shukr Bhaai, It is the month of Ramadan again. All you readers have read our posts before about ten things to stay away.from in Ramadan and Theory of Ramadan etc. However we have always failed to touch on one very sensitive subject. Yes it’s the month of giving and month of recollection and zakat and sadaqah is given. But Areh Wah If you have a business in the Indian Area you are in trouble bhaai. One week before Ramadan you will see at least two people from the entire Continent of Africa and from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. They are all collectors. I Went to Saleem Bas shop in Fordsburg. Saleem BhA a memon so he has many shops everywhere. He Say Bhai Gora come help me for one day, my brother in law Sikander has an Ulcer so he not fasting and he took day off. Qasam in his Fabric Wholesale I see every culture from Africa and India,Pak, Bangladesh. I see turbans and Mendhi beards that I have never seen in Istimas. They pull out Orphanages and Madrasahs in Jungles where even Bear Grills can’t survive Let Alone Children,

At about 12 o clock Saleem BHA scream and chased two people from Burundi out of shop. I say Saleem Bah, Why you make your fast makroo. He Say Bhai Gora “Benchod dresses better than me, He got a R2000 shoe and he got no Jamiat Letter. From now on don’t give anybody money without Jamiat Letter. If they got no letter tell them to FOK OFF.

From after Zohar I chase away almost 99% of the collectors. I say No Jamiat Letter and they get cross with me. One Pakistani molana started swearing like that top pie in Bad Boys behind the Sweet Counter.

The green turban old man said in a tangy accent. “You want Letters Mother Beeetch. IL show you letters…..and he throws papers at me. I say but Bajjie there is no JAMIATUL ULUMA OF SOUTH AFRICA LETTERHEAD. That’s what I need. He was cursing and then left and said “Allah must give me Hidayat”

It’s also a month where Muslim CEOS or Managers become invisible. An invisible entity is created so when these plagues of collectors arrive the poor invisible entity gets blamed as Collections can only be given when this fake boss is around. What a tactic.

Saleem Bha so mean, one team he sent this two guys packing. They come collect. He ask how much you want. They say brother please help us. He ask where is your jamiat letter. They reckon What is Jameee, huh,,,what is jammeeeeyat. ?

Saleem Bha say Aloko Benchodt mareegya. He say go to this place…..Its called Teasers…Ask them for a letter.

What I’m saying is that I’m not saying collections must be given, if a valid Jamiat letter is given then why not. But if no letter is given how do we know that that is an honest man. Really, anybody can wear a torpie and Kurta and collect money for a school or orphanage. I leave you with one example this week,

This Deaf man approaches me and says SALAAM. I Chat to him but realise his deaf. So I gesture to the fellow like I don’t have. When he reaches about 70 m from me I find a R20 in my pocket. I SCREAM BOZZZAH, I got some money for you. And a miracle in Ramadan, The man turns and He can hear me.

To me you get a Beggar,plain and simple. He is tattered and torn,hungry and asks….But these Bogus collectors are like secret agents and assasins of the begging trade, they are crooks and thieves. Like the secret agents these okes come out armed with their stories and impersonation of the muslim attire. But I say we expose the buggers……especially the Well dressed ones that get cross when you say the word Jamiat. I mean the one guy came into Saleem Bas shop also and he say…ASALAAAM. He pulls out a book with minarates. I say walaaaaaikum salaam, Can I get you a cup of masala tea. He say that will be good brother Im walking in the heat all day. Now common You see what I mean

So many stories, so many imposters……If you  a chor and you can forge a jamiat letter and bill these crooks R100 a letter you make some quick Dosh. What are your views on this